Commitment to break after a huge fight? Tried persuading to him but no avail. Says hes very exhausted…?
We’ve been in a relationship for almost 3 years now. We were long distance but we had moved in together temporary for 3 months and began having many fights on and off during this time. I usually heat up and overreact to extremes and he is afraid of breaking up. However, we always try to solve our problems after when both of us are cooled down. Recently, he moved to my city and we had another fight regarding everything again. He moved to my city where he has no friends and no family. We exchanged harsh and hurtful words where I mentioned about how he wont be able to find anyone else like me and how he would be very lonely all by himself if we broke up. After the fight, I decided to change my phone number in an attempt to take a break from him as that was what I felt was nessesary to not escalate the problem. However, after a couple of days and I have gotten my head around, I called him and he said that hes very frustrated and angry about the words that was exchanged and what I had said. He is very tired of fighting all the time and is emotionally exhausted. He is committed to having us take a break. He has never proposed this to me before and I am dumbfounded. I have tried sitting down with him and discussing the problems openly to see what we can both change to make the relationship work. He says it is too late. I am very confused, don’t know what to do and is starting to panic.
The week was initially for 3 weeks but now it is 2. I have left little text saying how if he needs anything that I am here and how I take full responsibility for what I said and would like to work on the relationship. I have talked to his best friend back in his hometown (who used to mediate our problems) and told her how I really want to make this work. She talked to him to put in a few good words for me. Today, he sent me a text saying how he still needs his space but he can “see hope in us”. We will come together in 2 weeks to discuss where we want the relationship to go. He had said that the chances were 50/50 but I don’t know if he is saying that out of bitterness for the words I have said or not. It has been 5 days since the fight and we haven’t seen each other since. What mindset should I have and how can I make him come back to me to work things out? All constructive and honest advice are appreciated. Thanks…
Hey. I’m sorry that you’re going through this, but I think you’re not going to like what I’ll say. This is just my opinion but I think you both have codependency issues and are caught in an unhealthy relationship. Make no mistake, no relationship is perfect and everybody has problems, but you always have to look for healthy ways to solve them, and that is through communication.
Unfortunately that isn’t happening for you two. You need to respect each other’s feelings and space. Case in point, you refuse to accept this break. Accept it and use this time to reflect on what’s going on for the past three years, and see if the good memories outweigh bad ones, and try to work on what you’ve been doing wrong. I’m not saying it’s all your fault of course or that you’re a bad person. I’m pretty sure he knows you love him and that deep down you’re sorry.
Codependent relationships have patterns that are hard to change, they’re toxic and end up leaving you exhausted, just as your bf said. It will take a huge effort on you both to change this and make things better.
I read this article and it’s helped me out through a lot of bad situations. I hope you cand find it useful too. Good luck!
how to get over boyfriend after we break up?
i’ve been with my boyfriend for a year. it was the best relationship i’ve had yet…i cared about him felt connected to him, and had fun being around him. he’s a very sweet person which is why i suppose i made the false assumption early on that he’d be the type to commit. i was wrong. while i was dreaming of how much fun it would be to move out together, to pick out a couch and a color to paint our walls…for ME it would have been the picture of perfection. little did i know, he would come to tell me he’s ‘young’, he wants to ‘experience’ the world, meet new friends….meet different girls, find new hobbies. one year later and i’ve realized after paying for both of our life expenses (he’s unemployed but goes to school) giving every minute of my spare time in between work and school, showing him every ounce of care and affection im capable of giving…that clearly wasn’t enough to make hin want to stay. im not a stupid person, i understand i couldn’t ‘buy’ his love, that he always had the RIGHT to leave if he chose….but ive had a rough child hood. to me this was like a test to show i was capable of being loved….that someone could possibly want to share a life with me (i don’t mean marriage just living together). in my eyes no amount of logic or reassurence could make me feel like anything less than a failure. i gave someone the very best of my self, and not just some jerk….someone i respected, and that person has confirmed that i wasn’t enough to make him happy. i doesn’t matter to me that it wasn’t my fault….that he was just in a different frame of life, that we weren’t 100% perfect together(though we were both happy). i don’t know how to cope with this, i don’t know how to ever convince myself that im not un-lovable. we’re planning to break up in one month (giving us time to prepair since we’ve spent most of our days together) when that time comes i don’t know what will happen to me. he wants to be friends but thats not what i wanted….im afraid i will crack and spiral into a deep depression. im worried for myself, what should i do…how can i prpair for the pain thats about to come?
Wow…your brief story and question really hit a nerve in me. Like I’m serious…cause it sounds almost exactly what I went through 2 years ago with my 6 year relationship. We were definitely not perfect with one another. In fact, we were complete opposites. I had a broken childhood and I was smart, but didn’t care for school much and had mediocre grades (due to depression and family problems). He on the other hand, had a highly supportive family on every end and was successful with his grades, but was nearly 2 years younger than me and he had declared wanting to see other people on our first year of going out. This was the first obstacle that was starting to ruin our relationship, especially when I finally gave in after all his nagging that he can do whatever he wants. Over the years however, he manipulated me and my family into getting what he wanted in a very twisted, two faced way that no one knew other than myself.
I can tell you hun, being with a guy like that is never worth it. He’s younger and won’t mature until many years later. It’s not that you’re not lovable, it’s that he’s not ready to be committed like you, and that already can create endless problems if you two even bothered to stay together. You have already done your best and you’ve done more than you ever needed to for this guy. I understand…You wanted things to work out. You fear being unlovable and unloved and being lonely perhaps even. But you’ve got to give yourself way more credit than that! You deserve the very best! The next time you ever step into another relationship (yes, I know it will take time to heal from your break up…), just remember to follow your heart and mind and that gut feeling about that guy. If you ever, EVER feel UNSURE of a guy repeatedly, you know he’s not the one.
Don’t worry, you will find love that’s right for you. But you must first love yourself instead of trying so hard like this to find a part of your reflection in another person that’s clearly not the love of your life. You will learn from this, and I wish you much luck and happiness! Patience is the key.
What’s the right way to break up with my boyfriend in this situation
Alright well I’ve been with him for about a two weeks now and this past couple of days I’ve just been feeling the fire die out. I also feel horrible since we live in two different cities and my lack transportation, he gets stuck driving to see me (I give him gas money of course!) we only have a few things in common and there is a little age gap (I’m a junior in HS and he is in his first year of college). Anyways, he is a total sweetheart and I know i don’t deserve him, I’m just not ready for another relationship right now and I think it was a mistake for me to ask him out. What’s the right way to break this off? I think it would be even more bitchy of me to make him drive out here and do it in person and I don’t want him to think he’s a bad boyfriend because he definitely IS NOT, but I’m not ready to be committed to someone again after a bad break up a few months back. I know texting/calling is childish but he lives so far away :l what to do? Also he gave me a bracelet with his name beaded into it I want to give it back if he wants it but how?
Any advice is helpful!
I would just say you need to explain it to him
make sure he understands
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